Round 4

Tomorrow may begin chemo round 4 for Ben. He has to go in to have his blood checked in the morning to see how his platelets are doing. If the number is 75 or above, they'll start chemo. If not, he'll have to wait. How very, very bizarre it feels to pray that my son is well enough so that the doctors can poison him yet another time. This doesn't feel like what mothers are supposed to do. I understand the whole thing, but it just feels strange.

Paul and I feel ourselves longing for "normal." I first sensed it when I went back to work last week. It's like we want to shake ourselves and get back to life as we used to know it. However, that life isn't there anymore, and probably never will be. Actually, it'd be a heinously bad thing to go back--if we didn't learn and grow through all of this. To not be changed by the testing that the Lord has allowed would be such a waste.

Pray for platelets!

Jenifer

Blood

You know, I've always heard the line, "Give the gift of life, give blood." However, until you have a loved one who seriously needs blood or platelets, it's not too real. I am planning to start doing this, though. There's really no reason not to! I'm healthy as a horse (a healthy horse, that is...), and have plenty of the red stuff (or amber stuff, if we're talking platelets).

I also think I'll get whatever test is necessary to be put into a registry to be a bone marrow donor. I know 3 people now who have required a bone marrow transplant. If I could give to keep someone else alive it would be a wonderful thing (although they might end up with my allergies). I'll have to look into how to get tested for that. I understand the test is just a swab of the inside of your mouth...the giving, though, is harder, but, hey, it's someone's life!!

Jenifer

A Smattering of Life

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted. Adam and Sheli's wedding came and went, as did our company. I've laughed about this being the week I'd come home from work (my first back after 2 weeks of "vacation") and stare at the wall. It really wasn't too far from the truth....

The wedding went well. It was done Adam and Sheli style, as it should have been--easy going and informal. The best part, in my mind, was hearing the pastor read the letters that Adam and Sheli wrote to each other. They were very special. He told me later that Adam and Sheli won't remember a thing he said, but they'll remember what they said to each other in those letters. That's very cool.

Ben was not able to make the wedding. His white blood cells had fallen the day before, so he was in Virginia Mason Hospital. However, due to the great kindness of Shon & Claire Katzenberger and Gary & Deborah Ferguson, Ben was able to watch the ceremony on a webcam. God is good. Lisa did come over, though. It was wonderful to have her there!

While the newlyweds went off to play in the Bahamas, my mom, sister and I went to the Olympic Peninsula. We picked what will, undoubtedly, be the hottest days of the year. That turned out okay, though, because it was slightly cooler over there. The most amazing part of our adventure was going up to Hurricane Ridge. It is absolutely breathtaking! The Lord blessed us with a wonderful day, too, that wasn't windy (a rarity on the ridge). It felt like we could reach out and touch the Olympics in front of us. Amazing.

Paul's brothers arrived from California the day or so after I got home. They make a yearly trip (pilgrimage?) up to the San Juan Islands. Paul and Chloe took off this week to go with them. I've joked about us taking separate vacations this year. I think I'm joking... (I am) Really, we do need a weekend away together soon (but Chloe can stay home with her girl-mommy...).

As you know if you read Ben's blog, his chemo was postponed this week due a low platelet count. I have struggled with that some. It's a matter of trusting that God will not fail or forsake us. A dear friend pointed out that learning not to fear, but to trust God, is not a get-it-right-once-and-it's-over procedure. It's a lifelong learning process. I believe I've been thinking that I'll come to a point when I have it down pat. That would be lovely, but probably not reality. One step at a time; one day at a time.

Beth has only 2 more months of being home before going off to WWU this fall. I will really miss her. She's grown into an amazingly wonderful young woman. She's far more mature than I was at her age. (Scary thing--I was married when I was her age...very scary. When I was Adam's age I nearly had 2 children...scarier yet!)

Someone asked me this week how we are doing. Although I really don't think we've even had the time to think about it, I can truly say that we are held by the grace of God. When I start to list out the things that have gone on in the past 2 months, I nearly start hyperventilating. It's far worse on paper than living through it, but that's only because it is the Lord who goes before us. He is our help and our deliverance. Sometime I may write out on this blog all the promises He's given me in the past 2 months. They really are amazing and words I go back to over and over again for comfort and strength.

Please pray for an increased platelet count for Ben. It is my prayer that this next chemo (new meds he's never had before) will provide optimum results with minimum side effects. Thank you so much for your prayers.

Love,

Jenifer

Four Days Before the Wedding

Well, here we are in the week of the wedding. My sister, Margaret, has been here for a week, and my mom arrives tomorrow. Paul, my mom, Beth and I will drive out to Ellensburg on Thursday; Margaret and her daughter, Lauren, on Friday.

It's been wonderful to have Margaret around for the last week. She's really good at being organized and getting things done--neither of which I'm very capable of doing right now.

We are in a waiting game to see how Ben will do during this recovery time. He finished his 3rd chemo on Saturday evening. Prayers would be appreciated that his white blood cells would not flat line, and that he doesn't get thrush. (Thrush keeps Ben from eating.)

Ben has 4 more rounds of chemo left. The next 2 will be with 2 drugs that he's never had before, then the one after that will be back to the drugs he's had during the first 3. The last will be with the same drugs as rounds 4 & 5. Confused yet? I guess they mix it up so that the body doesn't get used to one set of drugs and they become ineffective. Noooo ineffective drugs, please!!! At this point, after the chemo rounds are done, then comes surgery to remove whatever is left of the tumors, then radiation.

Please also pray for the protection of Ben's vital organs in the midst of all this chemo and antibiotics. Harsh stuff.

I'd also appreciate prayer for our sanity in the next few days. Tensions are running pretty high....

Thank you!

Jenifer