Paul and I ended up not going to Whidbey with Ben and Lisa because I was exposed to a virus on Wednesday. My throat was feeling scratchy on Thursday. It was probably allergies, but not worth the risk of infecting Ben right before a very important week. It was a hard decision, but thought it was the right thing to do (although not the fun one!).

On a happier note, though, we booked a place today to stay during the days around Adam's wedding. It's a vacation home and looks like a restful place. Here's the link: http://www.cascades-vacation-rental.com/Welcome.html. My mom, Beth, Paul and I will stay there. Lisa said she'd like to come over on Friday, but I would suppose that will depend on Ben's health. I know Ben desires to be there too. Please pray that the Lord would allow that, if that's the best.

My sister, Margaret, arrives tomorrow evening. That means Chloe will have a friend around more often! "Yay!" says Chloe, "Someone who will understand that Labs truly are starving animals and will give me more calories than my mommy and daddy do!!!" (Hmmmm.....no fat Labs.....)

As noted above, this is an important week for Ben. As of right now, Monday he has his first CT scan since they found the tumors. When they did the other one, he had to drink a huge amount of stuff that he later found out was milk based. Not good, since he's lactose intolerant. He knows now that he can have it mixed w/ root beer instead. (Man, that's a lot of sugar!) Then they inject something radio active. His telling of the first time around is actually pretty humerous (in a twisted Morrell sort of way...). On Tuesday he has an appointment with his oncologist, presumably to get the test results. (Pray, pray, pray!) As things stand now, he'll start his 3rd round of chemo on Wednesday.

While taking a walk this evening, I was convicted by the Lord of not believing scripture He's shown me in regard to Ben. It is really easy to get caught up in what I can see. The verse many of us have been able to recite from memory since childhood is before me: "Trust in the Lord with all you heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." The crutch of my own understanding is kind of scary sometimes. God is faithful.

As always, thank you for your prayers for our family during this time. (BTW!--Only 2 weeks until Adam's wedding!)

Jenifer

Becoming Real

"Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

In the last month or so, I'd say my heart has failed. I'd definitely say my flesh has failed. It is a time of pruning. At this moment, I can say I'm grateful to God that He cares enough about me to be pruning out the self-sufficiency, the self-centeredness, the pride (He's got a long way to go, though). I read a testimony from a young woman the other day in which she rejoiced that the Lord took her through a very dark time in her life, because of how much better she knows Him now. I look forward to getting to that point. I know I will get there to learn completely that "God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Good Night,

Jenifer

Yay!

Ben's back home and his white count is on the rise. Yay! We're grateful to the Lord for this!

We've had a nice Father's Day. Adam BBQ'd some chicken (and did an excellent job), Sheli threw together a Caesar salad, and Beth made a cake (chocolate w/ peanut butter frosting--Paul's favorite). Lots of talk about wedding things. It's getting down to the wire, with just a few weeks left.

I asked my sister, Margaret, if she could come earlier than she was planning to for the wedding to help out. She graciously accepted. There are just a lot of unknowns in the days ahead and her help will be greatly appreciated! It will be nice to have her around, too. Thank you, Margaret!!

Please pray that this will be a wonderfully encouraging week for Ben and Lisa. We may go with them to the Massingill's place on Whidbey next weekend. I hope so--that'd be really nice.

Ben's CT scan is Monday, June 25th. We're hoping for great results, but know that whatever the results are, they are in the hands of the Lord!

I've had a better day with my neck today! Thank You, Lord!

Jenifer

Difficult Times

Things are difficult right now. I know we're not the first people to have to deal with cancer, but it is the first time we've dealt with cancer. It's hard to see my son suffer. I've actually spent some time thinking about Mary, Jesus' mother, lately. The angel told her that a sword would pierce her heart. I wonder how many times she thought, "Is this the sword?" ("Will it get worse?") God didn't tell Mary everything that would happen and when it would happen. He did tell her it would be hard. I can't imagine how Mary felt to watch her Son hang on a cross. I can't imagine...

I pray that each one of us will learn our lessons well. What an awful thing it would be to go through this and not learn the lessons the Lord has for us. He does discipline us for our good that we may share in His holiness.

I need to go ice my neck. (My son's cancer is, literally, a pain in the neck for me.)

Jenifer

Prayer Request

Could you please pray for our friends Tom & Kristin Carmody? Kristin emailed me this morning that Tom's brother, John, was diagnosed with leukemia a couple of weeks ago, and now is in ICU with double pneumonia. (I think John is around 50) Tom's dad, who has had a history of heart problems, was having chest pain (probably due to the stress over John's health--I understand that one!). I know this family would really appreciate your prayer support.

Thank you!

Jenifer

Quick Update

Lisa took Ben to the ER today. His fever went up. It sounds like the infection in his mouth/throat is pretty bad. The good thing is that he will get more medical attention in the hospital. The hard thing, for me, is that I thought there was a plan of attack to keep Ben from getting so sick this time around, but that never seemed to be put into effect, aside from getting 2 shots a day to boost his white count. I may be wrong--maybe there was no plan.

Thank you for your prayers.

Jenifer

Pain in the Neck

I learned this week where the "axis" is in my neck. I'm not sure if that is a chiropractor term or what, but I do know that when it goes out, it really hurts. Evidently, stress can bring this outage on. What? Stress in my life? Maybe just a little.....

Jenifer

Music for the Soul

When I was 16 and had been drawn by the Lord, I struggled with music. I'd always loved music, but so much of what was popular took me places in my mind that I no longer wanted to go. Talking to a friend of a friend, she recommended I give "Second Chapter of Acts" a listen. I did and soon fell in love with Annie Herring's passionate relationship with the Lord and the way she communicated with Him through her music.

Annie became my (sort of) spiritual mother, and, although we've only met a few times, her music has never failed to lead me to a place of intimacy with the Lord. I've been away from her music for a few years (been on a Fernando Ortega kick), but during the past month or so (it's been a month now since Ben's diagnosis) Annie's music has been singing through my mind. There is one song in particular, called Your Father off of the There's a Stirring project:

He can move mountains
He can calm the raging sea
He knows you broken
Hears your cry
(I can't remember this line, but the last word rhymes with "cry")

Wait till you see the dawning
Wait there's a brand new day
Wait till you see the Morningstar rise

So don't give up
Don't give in
Don't let go of what He's been promising you"

There's more I don't remember, but the last line of the song is:

"Your Father loves to watch you grow." It's true. Our Father loves to watch us grow and knows that our best growth comes through pain.

By the way, I just received Annie's latest CD project called One on One. The first listen through had me in tears as this woman seemed to understand so well what I was going through. On my second listen, I found a little jewel of a worship song called Faithful and True. If you're interested, Annie's music can be purchased at http://www.annieherring.com/.

Way past time for bed. Good night!

Jenifer

Future and a Hope x 2

Tomorrow is a big day. Tomorrow is the graduation of our second son, Adam, from Central Washington University with his Bachelor of Arts degree in Music Education, Broad Spectrum. (That means he can teach band or choir.) What a happy day! We have watched a boy grow into a man and become very good at what he does. Paul and I had the great privilege of watching him direct his final student teaching concert with the students at Inglemoor High School. Although I may be slightly biased, he is a very good director!! I know the Lord will lead him to just the right place for him to hone his teaching skills. Then, less than a month after he graduates, Sheli Lane will become his wife. What a time of excitement in both of their lives! Future and a hope...

Today I spent a few hours at Ben and Lisa's condo. Ben came home from his second round of chemo last night. Except for nausea, he really did very, very well this time around. There will be a CT scan in a couple of weeks (before the next scheduled chemo) to see how the tumors are responding to the meds. Ben told me today that his mother-in-law is being led to pray that he and Lisa will be able to go ahead with their planned trip to the UK this fall. I certainly join in that prayer. Ben is also starting to dream some dreams about after he's better. Future and a hope...

"For I know the plans that I have for you," declares says the Lord "plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." (Jer. 29:11)

As for Paul and me? Yeah, these are rather split-emotion days, but, honestly, the Lord has given us peace to take one day at a time. That in itself is amazing grace. I kinda' think it's funny when someone wants me to make some firm commitment about something they want me to participate in a few weeks down the line. The only firm commitment we have at this point is being in Ellensburg for Adam & Sheli's wedding on the 7th of July. Everything else is very subject to change. You know...it's kinda' fun living this way...our future and our hope rests in the Lord our God.

Thank you for your prayers for our family,

Jenifer

Amazing Servants!

Paul and I had our socks blessed off yesterday by the members of our small group at church. Joe & Kathy Hull, Steve & Betsy Ercolini, Jeff & Janet Hamann, and Tom & Lori Payne came to our house and beautified our flower beds. I'd mentioned to Kathy that I had a couple of flower pots that I'd really like planted, but they went SO far and above just flower pots! I don't think there's a weed left on our property, and we have beautiful flowers (bright flowers!) everywhere. Tom Payne also hauled away some junk that needed to find a new home in the dump. Paul and I are so very grateful for everything!

I love how the Lord is teaching Paul and me so many lessons about serving and ministering. I don't know if I would have really ever thought about doing something like what our small group did for us, but we certainly will think about it again in the future! Lord, please don't let me forget to serve others in the future!

Tomorrow starts chemo #2 for Ben. The Lord holds each of our days in His hand. For that, we are forever grateful.

Thank you for your prayers,
Jenifer