What an Amazing Word Picture

A few weeks ago, the Lord gave me Deuteronomy 33:12 for Ben:

"Of Benjamin he said,
'May the beloved of the Lord dwell in security by Him,
Who shields him all the day,
And he dwells between His shoulders.'"

The last line had bugged me. What did "...he dwells between His shoulders..." mean? This morning I asked Owen Hollingsworth, one of the pastors I work with, what his understanding of that line is. He held out his arms in the shape of a hug and said, "God's got His arms around him--He's holding him." Boy, that'll make a mother melt into thankful tears!

God is so good.

Jenifer

Calmness

This is a much more quiet week than the past two. That is nice. It seems the Lord has given us week's rest before the next chemo. (I realize it may feel very different to Ben...) I have heard everything this week--the first time of chemo is the hardest; next time the meds may be different, so Ben's reactions may be completely different; each one is increasingly harder, etc. I'm grateful that the Lord knows each day that He has ordained for us, and has crafted it according to His best plan for each of our lives. We serve a multi-tasking God!!

We would love it if Ben was allowed to do his next chemo on the Eastside (instead of Seattle), but, there again, the Lord knows where the best place for him to be is--and who needs to see and hear the way we walk with Him through this trial. Please pray for His perfect will in regard to this.

Another thing to pray for would be that Ben would be able to come to Adam's wedding on July 7th. He had to step down from being in the wedding party, but I'd sure love for him to be there. So, we'd appreciate your prayers.

Ben's bird, Nikko, is visiting us this weekend. He's been staying with a friend, but that friend is going to be away some this weekend. Birdsitting is always nice (although Chloe might beg to differ with you...).

Thank you all for your prayers and love. And remember to pray for little Hudson and his family (see post a few back). He had surgery today and will need to go without dialysis for 2 weeks. He usually has it everyday. Nothing is impossible with God.

Blessings on your sweet head,
Jenifer

Waiting

"I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me and heard my cry." (Ps. 40:1)

Last night I began to stress out over Ben's next round of chemo--would he have to be hospitalized afterwards again?--how will he be able to take the antibiotics orally, when those meds usually have to be taken with a large meal and Ben can only eats bites at a time?--will his white count rise high enough before the next chemo is supposed to start?--how much is this all costing? Many questions on my mind....then comes the reminder from the Lord, "Only one day at a time." He hasn't given me a week from now; He's given me now. He knows my concerns of the future, and knows exactly how He's going to deal with each one. But that's later, not right now. Live in "right now."

Right now--Ben is home with Lisa. Thank you, Lord! The doctors saw enough of a trend in his increasing white count to release him today. God is good.

Right now--I can go back to work tomorrow with no extra concerns. A wonderful couple in Christ has even offered to pay for the repair of our car that Beth needs to start driving soon, something we can't afford right now. Blessing from above!

Right now--we have everything that we need for this day (even though Chloe thinks she needs a walk right about now...).

I love this verse from Psalm 40:

"You, O Lord, will not withhold Your compassion from me;
Your lovingkindness and Your truth will continually preserve me."

And they do...over and over and over again.
Jenifer

Tired

You know, I've discovered that when things are hard, I really don't want to write. It's completely a pride thing. I don't want you to see that I'm struggling. Good Christians are not supposed to struggle, right? We're supposed to cling to God's word and it will carry us through. I guess what I'm learning is that, in this process, there are up times and down times. Yes, God's word will carry me through, but right now I feel afraid. "When I am afraid, I will trust in You." What else can I do right now? "Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

You know, there's a verse in Isaiah that says, "It will come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are still speaking, I will hear." (65:24) God has certainly proved Himself true to His word in this way. I can barely get a thought out without His word coming to mind to remind me of His truths. Even as I was sitting in the dentist chair yesterday, His word came rolling through my mind--"The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." (Deut. 31:8) He is so very kind to feed us with exactly what we need.

Okay, I'm feeling much better now. Thank you so much to all who are praying. May the Lord God bless the socks off of you!

Jenifer

Prayer Request

Please pray for a little boy who is very, very sick. His name is Hudson Vanker and he's only a year old. Due to renal failure, Hudson has dialysis everyday of his life. His parents, Donny and Kristi, were told he'd be able to have a kidney transplant when he reached a certain weight, but he's just not growing like the doctors want him to. Because of that, it has been decided that he will need to have a feeding tube inserted directly into his stomach. What makes this especially difficult (nearly impossible) for little Hudson is that he cannot have dialysis during the healing time.

Hudson's surgery is scheduled for May 30. Please, please pray for him. Also pray for his parents. Donny and Kristi have recently moved to the Seattle area to take the position as Youth Director at Crossroads Bible Church. They are working with a hospital and doctors they're not terribly familiar with, in a community that is not yet "home." This is a very serious operation that could affect the rest of Hudson's physical development and life. Trust me, that is a scary place to be in as a parent.

Praise to the God who is fully in control of the lives of our children, as well as our own.

Thank you so much,
Jenifer

Showers of Blessings

Today it rained in Seattle. Today it rained in Seattle like most of the world thinks it rains in Seattle every day. This was not the usual spitty rain of the Northwest, this was a real water-my-flower-beds downpour. It was needed badly and I greatly appreciated it. It also got me thinking about life...

Blessings. My life is so incredibly blessed:

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His lovingkindness is everlasting!

You have given me a husband of 27.5 years who dearly loves me. He's a wonderfully faithful man who loves You. Your lovingkindness is everlasting!

We have 3 children, all who know You. Your lovingkindness is everlasting!

Ben has graduated from SPU, Adam will graduate from CWU next month, and Beth is halfway through her college career. Your lovingkindness is everlasting!

You have given Ben an incredible wife, Lisa, who You have blessed with the strength to endure the storm You are taking them through. Your lovingkindness is everlasting!

You have led Adam to Sheli. They will be married in July. You have given them both a passion for teaching. Your lovingkindness is everlasting!

Beth's transfer to WWU has been accepted for the fall, and You've provided her with a wonderful summer job. Your lovingkindess is everlasting!

I have a great job with an employer that is allowing me great grace during Ben's sickness. Your lovingkindness is everlasting!

The list goes on and on and on. Yes, we are in the midst of a difficult trial. But the lovingkindess of the Lord, His great goodness to us, His faithfulness far outweighs the pain. And far and away the best? When we close our eyes on this side of eternity, we'll open them to life forever with the great God who has forever loved us.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His lovingkindness is everlasting!

Jenifer

Something to Hang Your Hat On

Do you believe that God truly speaks to you through the Bible? Is His a generic word for the ages or does He really use it to give us individual promises and hope to "hang our hats" on? I believe the latter.

I was encouraged by a friend to ask the Lord to give me a specific promise regarding the plans He has for Ben's situation. A promise I can bring before the Lord and remind Him of His word to me. (Reminding the Lord is scriptural--Is. 62: 6) I will tell you how His promise came to me the other day.

Thursday was a rough day in the hospital for Ben. The chemo brought on hiccups that were deep and painful, leaving Ben exhausted after when they finally stopped. Besides that, he had heartburn which probably would have been alleviated by sitting up, but that would start the hiccups again. It was a vicious cycle.

In the evening Ben asked Paul and I to pray for him, and then for me to read him some scripture. He was so tired out--I wasn't really sure he was awake as I read some of the Psalms that have meant so much to me through this time: Ps. 4, Ps. 18, Ps. 118... As I read through Ps. 118, verses 17 & 18 spoke to my heart. It is the kind of promise that any mother would want to cling to for her very ill son. "Lord, I don't just want to grab something out of your word and hang on to it presumptuously," was my thought. "If You don't bring it to pass, it will look badly..." The heart of that thought, however, was, "If You don't bring it to pass, I will look badly." That was not a humble thought! Am I willing to look foolish to others and cling to what I believe is God's promise to me? It's not the first time that He's asked one of His children to do that!

"I will not die, but live,
And tell of the works of the Lord.
The Lord has disciplined me severely,
But He has not given me over to death." Psalm 118: 17, 18

(I believe the explanation of the third line is found in Hebrews 12: 6-11, "For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives. It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then your are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.")

So, I will remind the Lord of His promise to me in Psalm 118, no matter what the days ahead look like. It may seem like foolishness (based on medical percentages), but nothing is too difficult for my God.

Jenifer

Context - Cancer

I love the passage of scripture below, especially when I consider the "enemies" the cancer that is in Ben's body and him the pursuer:

"I pursued my enemies and overtook them,
And I did not turn back until they were consumed.
I shatter them, so that they were not able to rise;
They fell under my feet.
For You have girded me with strength for battle;
You have subdued under me those who rose up against me,
And I destroyed those who hated me.
They cried for help, but there was none to save,
Even to the Lord, but He did not answer them.
Then I beat them fine as the dust before the wind;
And I emptied them out as the mire of the streets." (Ps. 18:37-42)

Amen?

Jenifer

Just Starting Out

Hmmm...this is a bit frustrating. My first attempt at blogging and I can't figure out how to change Ben's info on the right to mine. I am not my 25-year-old son. Actually, as his mother, I would much rather be lying in the hospital bed Ben is, instead of him right now. But that's not the way God has ordained it. So, I've decided to write my thoughts as we walk this pathway of Ben's cancer (for more info, go to http://802heaven.analogcafe.net/ ).

I've been thinking a lot about the ways of the Lord. As people, we assume we know the ways our lives and the lives of our children will go. Grow up, meet someone wonderful, get married, get a great job, have children, grow old together. We almost feel that we're owed this by God. But sometimes His plans are different than our assumptions. That's when we feel pain.

Ben and Lisa were married two years ago this July. Lisa got her degree in Architecture from UW right before they were married; Ben graduated last year from SPU with a degree in...well, I honestly can't remember the title of his degree, but it had to do w/ IT Networking. They are an amazing couple who've done many, many things right. However, last Friday their lives changed as Ben was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive form of cancer. He was admitted into Virginia Mason Hospital on Tuesday to start aggressive chemotherapy.

So...what's a mother to do? This is my baby--my first born. The intial feeling associated with the word "cancer" and someone you love is that of being hit in the stomach, barely able to breathe. The first time I read the word "cancer" somewhere near the proximity of Ben's name, I grabbed my phone, went outside, and called one of my closest friends, Daniel, who is also a pastor. He did what he's always done through the years I've known him--prayed with me. I would say this began what has been an ocean of God's grace (another friend refers to it as the "bubble" of God's grace). I realize I'm only a week from when Ben was initially diagnosed, but I've been carried by the Holy Spirit of God in ways I never, ever thought possible. That may sound rather trite....but you're not me right now.

What I am, at this time, is extremely grateful for the kindness and goodness He's shown me through the people of God. We've received word from, literally, all over the globe of people praying for Ben and our family. It's amazing. We've been provided meals, as well as offers that range from cleaning our house to mowing our lawn to grocery shopping. The one that REALLY amazes me is the friend who has done catering in the past agreeing to take on preparing and serving food for our other son's (Adam) wedding reception in July. What I really see is the body of Christ doing exactly what He made it us to do--loving one another. What a joy!

So, thank you if you are one who has prayed, or cooked, or offered something I haven't taken you up on yet. (or if you are Colleen!!!) We shouldn't ever, ever walk our lives alone. We were not created this way. We were created for fellowship with Almighty God and with His family.

Adam's fiance's (Sheli) bridal shower calls. It will be this Sunday, and I have much to do to prepare. (Gratefully, others are helping a lot with that too!)

With love,

Jenifer


PS--Please pray for:

~ Strength for Lisa each day as she works full-time and takes care of Ben;
~ Hiccup and heartburn management for Ben through the chemo;
~ The Lord to continue to draw us closer to one another as a family;
~ Us to really learn well the lessons we're being taught on how to love others who are suffering.

Thank you!