The Conversation

Sometimes we're not aware we're making demands of God until He allows that to be revealed. I truly believe that the Lord has given me promises through his Word that He will heal Ben. However, some expectation of timing had crept in, unknown to me.

Last night I, more or less, hit the wall. I hadn't been prepared for the fact that Ben's cancer could be a huge amount of tumors, instead of just 4. I was feeling hurt by God--disappointed by the reality of the revelation. I sat on the floor of my bathroom and cried the words (more or less) that both Martha and Mary cried to Jesus when He showed up 3 days after Lazarus' funeral, "Lord, if You would have been here, my son wouldn't still be going through this."

This morning I knew that I'd gotten my eyes onto the cancer instead of on God. I read through the story of Moses sending the 12 spies into the Promised Land, and how those spies saw themselves as grasshoppers in the eyes of the giants living in the land (Num. 13). They were terrified by what they saw, and completely abandoned the God who had promised them the land. Then I read about David and Goliath. The odds were really, really against the Israelites, you know. They were terrified of the Philistines, and, from a human standpoint, there was complete reason to be! But, again, they weren't looking at the promise that God had given to be with them and give them the land.

So, this morning, this was the conversation:

"When I told you I would heal Ben, were all the tumors in his body?"
"Yes, Lord."
"Then how has My promise changed because you now know about those tumors?"
"It hasn't."

Several years ago, God revealed Himself to me as "The God Who Sees Around the Corner." Nothing about Ben's disease is a surprise to Him. Nothing.

Thank you for your prayers. And pray for Ben. When he's feeling a little better, he'll have to work through the knowledge that the road may be longer than he hoped/anticipated. (His personality is similar to mine.)

Thank you,

Jenifer