Round 4

Tomorrow may begin chemo round 4 for Ben. He has to go in to have his blood checked in the morning to see how his platelets are doing. If the number is 75 or above, they'll start chemo. If not, he'll have to wait. How very, very bizarre it feels to pray that my son is well enough so that the doctors can poison him yet another time. This doesn't feel like what mothers are supposed to do. I understand the whole thing, but it just feels strange.

Paul and I feel ourselves longing for "normal." I first sensed it when I went back to work last week. It's like we want to shake ourselves and get back to life as we used to know it. However, that life isn't there anymore, and probably never will be. Actually, it'd be a heinously bad thing to go back--if we didn't learn and grow through all of this. To not be changed by the testing that the Lord has allowed would be such a waste.

Pray for platelets!

Jenifer