Delight!

What a delight tonight when, just on a whim, I googled the name of a dear friend from high school, Joanne Mehl. It has been 30 years since we have graduated and probably nearly that since we last had contact. Her name immediately popped up as a very distinguished artist. What a joy to find that she's doing just what she always loved to do--painting beautiful pictures of horses. And, whoa, I can say that I hold a Joanne Mehl original from her junior high years--a watercolor illustration of one of Cat Stevens' songs.

What fun to find an old friend who has persevered in a tough field and done well!

Jenifer

Hope Realized

I realized last night that it has been a full year since Ben's cancer was diagnosed. We went to Rosario Beach last year for Mother's Day, and (I think) Ben started chemo the next day. What a year! But this morning, as Ben came to pick up Beth to go to a comic book convention (don't ask...), I noticed Ben's hair is starting to curl again! I can't really explain how excited that makes me. Chemo left it stick-straight. That wasn't my son's hair. Hope realized is seeing Ben return to normal.

I was reminded last night by a friend that God has never lied. God spoke to me, nearly a year ago, telling me that Ben was going to go through a horrendous trial, but that He would heal him. I needed to be reminded of the fact that God does speak and that He never lies, as I've been living lately with the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Praise God for His faithfulness throughout this year! He is good, all the time.

Jenifer

Empty Canvas

One evening, recently, I was thinking about the "why" of suffering and pain. Yes, we are human. Sin, that is in our genes, brings it about. But what could be one reason (only one, mind you), that God allows us to go through pain? What came to mind is that we are in His gallery of His grace. We are each a masterpiece that God is creating so that the world around us may see His glory.

It has been years since I have thought of this song, but it's been on my heart lately:

An empty canvas waits before the Painter

It waits to be the painting it must be

Unto this end it has rightfully been created

To reflect the rightful beauty the Painter sees

A beauty that will surely find its life within its dying

So another might be born again

And in this constant death a constant beauty is created

Within a constant love that never ends

Jesus is the Master Painter

And the Holy Spirit is the Master’s Brush

To be dipped within the colors

That portray a Father’s love

That the Master’s painting might be born of us

To portray the beauty of the Master’s Brush

That the canvas of our life might know the Master’s touch

An empty canvas waits before the Painter

An empty canvas destined to be hung

Within the gallery once it has been created

Will the canvas bear the beauty of God’s Son?

"The Painter" by John Michael & Terry Talbot

May each of us reflect the beauty of the Master's artistry.

Love,

Jenifer

Snowy Sunday Morning

As the snow flakes fell this morning, I talked with the Lord about many things. One that is deeply touching is to see how the Lord has knit Ben and Lisa together through this year. Don't misunderstand me--they've always had a strong relationship--but this year has added a beautiful depth. It reminds me of that verse about a cord of three strands not being easily broken. The Lord has braided them together with Himself, and it's a strong bond. It will be interesting to see how He has chosen to use this rope!

As Paul's school quarter nears an end, he's putting his finishing touches on a persuasive essay, "Cancer is Good." I wanted to waffle a little and thought he should title it, "Cancer Can Be Good," but he didn't feel that was what he wanted to say. The essay is a strong argument for what cancer does to people's relationships and how God uses it in our lives. I pray that the students who have read it for peer review would stop and think about their relationship with the God of the universe.

Busy, busy week ahead for me and my choir-mates at Cedar Park Church. We perform the musical Star next Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (8 pm, 7 pm, and 6 pm, respectively). But the busy-ness is worth it. It's so much fun to be singing music again that impacts the soul. By the way, the shows are free and no tickets are required! Everyone is welcome to come!!

By the way, praise to our God for bringing Ben through his surgery so well!!! Although he tires easily, he's only two weeks out of major surgery!!! The best way to describe what the doctor did is scour all of Ben's abdominal cavity and organs of pesky tumors (some grapefruit sized; others the size of a pin head!). Ben has an appointment with the radiologist this Thursday to learn about the next step (radiation), but our guess is that won't start until after the first of the year.

Time to get back to decorating our Christmas Tree!

Jenifer

Saturday Morning

Paul and I went to see Ben yesterday afternoon. I was amazed at the change from when I saw him on Wednesday night. He was very attentive and anxious to do the exercises the occupational therapist gave him. He walked double the distance that he had the day before, which wasn't far, but huge for him. I can see a drive in him to move on so he can get out of the hospital.

He still is on a liquid diet (as of yesterday) which means mostly broth. The "full liquid" diet that comes after clear liquids may be slightly challenging due to his lactose intolerance (I know I couldn't eat much that was on the list).

Ben continues to receive pain meds through his epidural. When that goes, so will the catheter from his bladder, which means more freedom! Progress seems to be coming steadily now.

When Ben was about 2, he could see train tracks in everything. If there were 2 parallel lines, or lines with something along the side that looked like cross pieces, they were train tracks. We'd go out to Cherry Valley, where my parents lived, and wait along the road until the trains came by. It was Ben's delight. Now he has "train tracks" running down his belly! The staples that are holding him together at this point are slated to come out on Thursday or so.

Thanks for your prayers for our family. We have our ups and downs. Seeing Ben's improvement was definitely a plus for me!

Jenifer

The Conversation

Sometimes we're not aware we're making demands of God until He allows that to be revealed. I truly believe that the Lord has given me promises through his Word that He will heal Ben. However, some expectation of timing had crept in, unknown to me.

Last night I, more or less, hit the wall. I hadn't been prepared for the fact that Ben's cancer could be a huge amount of tumors, instead of just 4. I was feeling hurt by God--disappointed by the reality of the revelation. I sat on the floor of my bathroom and cried the words (more or less) that both Martha and Mary cried to Jesus when He showed up 3 days after Lazarus' funeral, "Lord, if You would have been here, my son wouldn't still be going through this."

This morning I knew that I'd gotten my eyes onto the cancer instead of on God. I read through the story of Moses sending the 12 spies into the Promised Land, and how those spies saw themselves as grasshoppers in the eyes of the giants living in the land (Num. 13). They were terrified by what they saw, and completely abandoned the God who had promised them the land. Then I read about David and Goliath. The odds were really, really against the Israelites, you know. They were terrified of the Philistines, and, from a human standpoint, there was complete reason to be! But, again, they weren't looking at the promise that God had given to be with them and give them the land.

So, this morning, this was the conversation:

"When I told you I would heal Ben, were all the tumors in his body?"
"Yes, Lord."
"Then how has My promise changed because you now know about those tumors?"
"It hasn't."

Several years ago, God revealed Himself to me as "The God Who Sees Around the Corner." Nothing about Ben's disease is a surprise to Him. Nothing.

Thank you for your prayers. And pray for Ben. When he's feeling a little better, he'll have to work through the knowledge that the road may be longer than he hoped/anticipated. (His personality is similar to mine.)

Thank you,

Jenifer

The Deeper Seam of His Peace

"God has invited you all into a deeper seam of His peace; though it is an invitation no one desires, it is somehow a privilege to be drawn near to the compassion of God Who knows suffering so well."

Man, I love the above quote. It was written to us by our dear friend, Bob Rasmussen, on May 3rd, the day before Ben had his biopsy done. It's been nearly 6 months now. It is amazing that it has only been that long, yet it seems like a lifetime ago. I was a different person 6 months ago. Things that seemed so important then are as nothing now.

My Lord suffered. Who am I to think I should live a painless life? I know, though, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my God will never leave me, no matter what the road ahead. Several years ago He revealed Himself to me as "The God Who Sees Around the Corner"--what is ahead is NO surprise to Him. In that is complete rest for my soul.

Ben meets with the surgeon on Tuesday. Thank you for your prayers for our family.

Love,
Jenifer